I wish, i hope, i thought

My emotion was fucking unstable and so am now.

One moment, i felt myself in heaven and the other moment, i fell down straight to hell.

I told myself before not to contribute so much in terms of feelings, love to my future relationships after my last fall with my ex. But yet I failed.

But though I had never regret for doing so to my current one. Cos i felt that he is the one who can bring happiness to me, he is the one I'm looking for, he is the one who will love me just as deep or even deeper than me.

But there's always things which happen that will hurt me or both of us. In fact, it is much more pain than any other falls that I had in the past. Cos the higher you climb, the more deadly you will fall.

I love him more and more day by day. But when sad things happened, i am suffering much more pain than before. Maybe he doted and pampered me too much, making me feel as if I'm the most fortunate one. Perhaps he had given me too much hence making me wanting and expecting more from him.

Recently because of some ass, we quarrelled and argued alot. But both of us or just maybe me alone, felt that it will be worth it when everything ends. But in the end, we found out he's just fooling us around, making all the efforts, tears and hopes went straight down to the drain.

I was very pissed off. Because of him, we quarrelled, I cried, we were unhappy, slpless nights. Just because of one bloody fucker, we suffered alot. And now, end up we got nothing in return and were been treated like a fool. I am very angry with wad he did.

But to dear, I didn't sense any anger from him. He wasn't feeling anything. He wasn't angry for being treated like this, most importantly he wasn't pissed off with him for causing quarrels, tears and unhappiness between us. Maybe he is, but i feel that he's not. He accepted everything calmly.

I wish, i hope, I thought he would feel pissed off with him for breaking my hopes, for making me cry, for all the quarrels we had due to him. I was just thinking too much.

Perhaps I'm the one who's at fault, i shouldn't feel this way. Maybe i am the emotional one. Maybe i can't control my temper, my emotions, tears, everything.

Maybe i am the one who deserve all these.

Someone asked me this question before, are you more happy with your current relationship than the previous one? My answer... yes, as happy as like in heaven, but as deadly and suffering as in hell.