Time to wake up, time to grow up

记得...

Things seems to have change but at times it seems not...

I dono wad kind of thoughts I'm having...

But comparing the past and present, things really did changed alot.

He told me, I can't always compare past and present, things aren't the same anymore. More commitments and responsibilities had been added on.

At times i wished I'm not pregnant at all, so he won't have any responsibilities add on...

At times I feel that he love me the same as before, but at times i feel that the feeling wasn't the same anymore...

At times i feel that the sweetness is still there, but at times i feel that it issn't...

I know his timing is very inflexible right now, that why whenever he go down town to stock up for shop, i would try to accompany him, thought of having some private times with him. But throughout the journey, we never talk much. Cos he always tease and make me angry then start calling me names like "Xiao Qi Gui"

He told me I wouldn't pass my basic theory that time, i knew he's joking. Same goes for my final this time, he kept saying that I won't pass so easily one la, he told me again he's just joking but seriously I'm upset... All i need is moral support...from him.

It is not that I don't like to be tease, i agree teasing add fun to life. But too much teasing will make me feel uncomfortable. I missed those sweet talks in the past, i missed him holding on to my hand while he's driving, i missed those sweet stuffs we did in the past, I missed the times when I'm taking my first basic theory test, he was away in genting, but he sent me SMS to ask me jiayou and have confidence in it.

At times I asked him to talk more to Kayden, especially now, ask Kayden to be good and flip over.. he would say "Siao, as if he would hear or understand it". He used to touch and feel Kayden's kick and movement but now... sigh.

At times i feel that his attitude issn't the same as before, maybe he's stress about work. Maybe i should be more understanding and considerate. Maybe.. maybe.. maybe... but i just can't help feeling upset about it.

At times, I don't dare to voice out my feelings to him anymore, I'm afraid that he might feel upset or unhappy about it. At times, I don't dare to ask him do things for me anymore, I'm afraid that he might feel that i'm irritating. At times, I don't dare to talk to him about things anymore, cos I'm afraid that his attitude or jokes will upset me.

He told me his feelings to me havn't change at all, i trust him. He still treat me very good, tried to give me wadeva he can...But the happiness wasn't as much as before anymore. Maybe i'm expecting too much from him, but i just need some of the past feels to be back, just some is enough for me...

Perhaps I'm just too sensitive.... i'm too selfish, too inconsiderate...Only thought of being happy myself, never spare a thought for him. I should have grow up, i shouldn't be thinking like a small girl, shouldn't be thinking of lasting sweet and romantic relationship anymore.

Time to wake up, michelle...

Shouldn't be thinking of these now, Kayden is more important than anything right now. Hope he will be safe and well from now. Have you flipped over to the correct position my darling?