Total disappointment in myself

I screwed up my Accounting paper.

I got my depreciation part 2 correct but I hesitated on my answer and i striked off the whole page and re did it again, using my own fucking calcuation (don't know where did i got this formula) and i lost around 7-10 marks. Fuck.

And my balance sheet, i input the profit under current asset and it should be under owner's equity. I don't know why would I make such a mistake, i memories it and i screwed it up.

I am too stressed up and i really can't tolerate myself for making such mistakes. I have no confidence in my account paper anymore. I am unsure if i got make careless mistakes in other areas.. did i do the calculation correctly? Did i miss out anything on my answers? Did i use the wrong method? Sigh. I am worried... I do not want re-exams.. i do not want re-module...

Recently I have very high expectation of myself. My exams, my weight... I am over concerned about everything.

During my pregnancy period, i gained alot... from 6xkg to 104kg (that night before the delivery). Fucking 40 plus kg!!!

During the first six month of my pregnancy... i ate alot. Especially sweet food like candies, chocolates, durian... I had ard 5 meals a day and from 6xkg, i gained a total of 20 kgs plus during the first six months. Doctor told me to control my diet and i reduced my intake.. But still my weight kept on going up... almost 5 kgs every week. Then i realised that I've been taking too much salty food hence causing water retention. I had swollen fingers, hands, legs... Basically i just looked like a ball during the later stage of my pregnancy.

I almost cried out when i weighed myself on that day just before the delivery... Fucking 104kg. I told myself I must slim down myself after my pregnancy.

During the 1st month after delivery, the confinement period,i ate as normal. As soon as my confinement over, i started going on diet. I decrease my intake on rice... cut down almost half of my regular intake. My weight went down... Then i started exercising though my wounds had not recovered fully. I went swimming, i played squash...

Around the 5th month after delivery, my weight went down from 104 to 80kg. Then my weight stucked..at 80+-for one month. I was upset. Then i started to eat even more lesser. No rice, no noodles. But my weight didn't went down alot.

I reduced my intake on food by half again.. i weighed myself before and after every meal... normally after my meal, i will usually gain around 1 kg... but i had been very strict with myself.. i only allow myself to gain less than 0.5 kg after every meal. From 3 meals a day, i reduced it to 1-2 meals. And for every meal, i only ate 1/4 or 1/3 of normal portion without rice.

I have been "torturing" myself for 8 months plus... and now finally I am back to my 6x. But i wasn't contented.. lol i am aiming for another 10kg more to go. I can't reduce my diet anymore, as I think this would be the minimum that I could go. After exams... i going for exercises.. I can't jog due to my asthma, so I am going to cycle everyday if not once or twice a week.

I know alot of you will tell me this issn't the healthy way to go on diet. Even my hubby does not agree on my method and he is quite unhappy about it. But pls understand me... in the past, seeing myself in the mirror with that kind of size... people calling me names.....cant wear back my old clothings and had to buy bigger size clothes.... all these are really hurting.

I do not know why i am having such high expectation for myself. Frankly speaking, during these few months, i haven't been really happy with life. Facing alot of stress... from my weight to my studies...

2 more papers to go and I will getting really worried. Sigh. No more confidence in myself anymore. Haiz.